52% Happy? Depression Busting?
It’s terrifying, how quickly the time passes. The last Moodscope test I did was forty-two days ago but feels like a week.
I’m tired today. I’m waking up every day without the strength to clench a fist, my legs shake, feel weak, like they can’t hold me up; I feel top-heavy, unbalanced. To most people who know me, that’s no surprise. Lee calls me The Human Pinball: I don’t actually walk, most of the time, I just bump into and off shit until I get where I need to be. This feels different, though. Wrong. I know I’ve put weight on and I have weird feet but this is ridiculous.
Moodscope reckons I’m 52% happy today. I can see why. I’m up, washed, dressed, and working, all before eleven. I’ve been working on the show, on the admin, and on booking some gigs so you can all come and say hello. I’m feeling stronger and more determined than I have for a while. I’m in an environment where I feel safe and supported, I have time to work and to think and to plan. I’m only on one set of meds now and I’m over the worst of the withdrawal from the last lot. I’m feeling pretty ok today. That’s lovely.
Mam & Dad have been married for forty-eight years today so I’m gonna go see them at some point, and then I’m off to a Depression Busting course at The Pop Factory, Porth, this afternoon from 1pm to 3pm. I started a Depression Busting course a few years ago and got a hell of a lot out of it but had to bail before the end so I’m looking forward to getting through a whole course.
I’ll blog about it and if anyone would like to attend the course but is feeling anxious and would like to meet up to go in together, drop me a line and I’ll meet you outside.